Here are some takeaways from the Mindshifting 3: Conflict and Collaboration course.
Being aware that there are 5 styles of conflict resolution makes us much better conflict resolvers. First, when we know the benefits of each style, we can craft our own styles based on the situation. Being aware of the risks of overusing any one style means we can be self-aware about when we may be using a specific style by default or habit (subconsciously) when another may be called for. Being aware of others’ styles means we can react to the style rather than react to the person. If we can help kids learn this, we can do the same for them and also reduce conflicts and distractions in our classes.
Understanding that there is both constructive and destructive (or high) conflict, and then being able to recognize the characteristics that make a conflict constructive or destructive allows our focus to switch from avoiding conflict to encouraging constructive conflict situations. Imagine that instead of recriminations, insults, anger, or fear, we move toward solutions, collaboration, and results. Kids can be taught to use the same insights to improve their abilities to handle conflicts.
We had it drummed in during the course that when another person is in fight flight, or freeze mode, it’s practically impossible to get them to listen or to make changes, but that when they feel a connection, when there is rapport, we have a much better chance.
Motivational Interviewing (MI) and Nonviolent Communications (NVC) are tried-and-true methods for reaching rapport and then guiding a conversation to constructive change and influence. You can use either or combine them as part of the collaborate style of conflict resolution and also to nudge conflicts toward constructive conversation. If we don’t know where to start with an MI or NVC discussion, we can pose the situation to an artificial intelligence engine such as Bard or ChatGPT, direct it to create a sample MI or NVC script, and use its suggestions as a starting point.
On Thursday, we started with wellbeing; since wellbeing is a necessary condition for deep learning. The outcome for that is that the more we can communicate and congratulate others (and our students) on their strengths and achievements, the more wellbeing they will feel, the more they will be ready to learn, and the more they will be willing to let us influence them. And when we teach kids how to impart wellbeing on others, their own happiness and influence both increase as well. The specific techniques of strengths-based communications are explored in depth in the Mindshifting 2 course.
The opposite of wellbeing is a feeling of distress, fear, or anxiety. Stress, just like conflict, doesn’t have to be bad, sometimes it’s motivating (eustress), and while we don’t have time to cover the techniques in this course (it’s in Mindshifting 1), it’s possible to learn how to reframe a surprisingly large percentage of stressful situations to make them motivating rather than blocking.
Too much stress for too long makes us mentally, emotionally, and physically disabled, and these effects linger for one’s entire lifetime even if they occur during childhood. For a long time, society has treated this as something rare, but when we realize that 4 to 6 out of every 30 kids are suffering from chronic stress or trauma, it shows that we have to pay attention. Having children screened for ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) and then providing them with trauma-informed interventions and care seems like the only humanitarian way to handle this, and we can be their advocates even if we aren’t the ones directly responsible for the professional care they need.
MI and NVC are a proven techniques to help anyone, including our students, through distress and onto productive actions. It can even soften some of the effects of chronic stress. We can use MI and NVC, and we can also start teaching those techniques to students.
The human need to be part of groups is irresistibly strong. The negative side of that is group behavior often triggers our limbic (fight, flight, freeze, bad habits, and copying others) reactions and actions. When we recognize how strong the pull to group conformance is, we can start to understand why our normal ways of persuasion or influence don’t tend to change people’s (our students, coworkers, family members, friends, or even our own) behaviors. We need something much stronger, and it starts with the awareness of how group pressure manifests, how strong it is, and then self-awareness of how we are responding to it. We discussed some Motivational Interviewing and Nonviolent communications questions to open people up so that they become self-aware of their group pressures, how their actions aren’t congruent with their values and beliefs, and motivate the desire to change and be true to what we all really want and value.
The next Mindshifting 1 class starts February 20, 2024.